Ex- English leader Lewis Moody has announced he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet confront the full ramifications of the muscle-wasting condition that ended the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The 47-year-old athlete, who was part of the 2003 Rugby World Cup-winning side and secured several English and European titles with Leicester, gave an interview to BBC Breakfast a fortnight after learning he has the disease.
"There's a certain facing the future and hesitating to completely absorb that at the moment," he said.
"It's not that I fail to comprehend where it's going. We comprehend that. But there is absolutely a unwillingness to confront the future for now."
Moody, conversing alongside his wife Annie, states rather he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his present wellbeing, his family and planning ahead for when the condition progresses.
"Perhaps that's shock or possibly I deal with matters in another way, and once I have the information, it's simpler," he added.
First Symptoms
Moody found out he had MND after detecting some lack of strength in his shoulder area while exercising in the gym.
After rehabilitation failed to improve the issue, a number of scans revealed nerves in his neurological system had been damaged by MND.
"You're given this diagnosis of MND and we're appropriately quite moved about it, but it's so strange because I feel like I'm perfectly healthy," he continued.
"I don't sense ill. I don't experience unwell
"My indications are rather minimal. I have a bit of muscle deterioration in the hand and the shoulder.
"I continue to be able to doing whatever I want. And with luck that will continue for as long as is attainable."
Illness Advancement
MND can advance quickly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the disease kills a third of people within a twelve months and more than half within 730 days of diagnosis, as swallowing and respiration become more difficult.
Medical care can only delay deterioration.
"It isn't ever me that I experience sorrow for," added an moved Moody.
"There's sadness around having to inform my mum - as an single child - and the implications that has for her."
Family Consequences
Talking from the residence with his wife and their family dog by his side, Moody was consumed with emotion when he spoke about informing his sons - 17-year Dylan and 15-year Ethan - the traumatic news, commenting: "This was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do."
"They're two wonderful boys and that was pretty heartbreaking," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the couch in tears, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog leapt across and began removing the tears off our faces, which was somewhat amusing."
Moody explained the priority was being in the present.
"We have no treatment and that is why you have to be so strongly concentrated on just welcoming and enjoying everything now," he said.
"As Annie said, we've been truly fortunate that the primary determination I made when I left playing was to devote as much period with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those periods back."
Sportsman Connection
Professional competitors are disproportionately impacted by MND, with studies proposing the rate of the disease is up to sixfold higher than in the wider community.
It is considered that by restricting the oxygen obtainable and causing damage to motor neurone cells, frequent, vigorous exercise can initiate the condition in those already genetically susceptible.
Athletic Playing Days
Moody, who gained 71 England caps and competed with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was called 'Mad Dog' during his sports career, in acknowledgment of his fearless, relentless style to the game.
He played through a stress fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once caused a workout scuffle with fellow player and friend Martin Johnson when, frustrated, he abandoned a tackle pad and began participating in collisions.
After appearing as a replacement in the Rugby World Cup championship win over Australia in 2003, he claimed a ball at the rear of the line-out in the crucial phase of play, creating a platform for scrum-half Matt Dawson to advance and Jonny Wilkinson to score the match-winning drop kick.
Support Community
Moody has previously notified Johnson, who led England to that championship, and a handful of other previous players about his condition, but the remaining individuals will be discovering his news with the rest of public.
"There shall be a moment when we'll need to rely on their backing but, at the moment, just having that kind of care and acknowledgment that people are available is all that matters," he commented.
"Rugby is such a excellent group.
"I told to the kids the other day, I've had an amazing life.
"Even if it concluded now, I've enjoyed all of it and accepted all of it and got to do it with unbelievable people.
"Being able to call your love your vocation, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Having accomplished it for so long a period with the squads that I did it with was a pleasure. And I understand they will desire to help in every way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
